Cat’s Away…But Missed No Matter How Much Play

She’s been in Europe for almost 2 weeks now, part of her 6 week visit with family. Most guys (well, every guy I’ve ever known) would use this as an opportunity to go crazy and cheat. Most girls would too (might as well have an affair while abroad, almost doesn’t seem like it counts).

But we in the swinging lifestyle are an exception.

Not because we won’t go a bit crazy and party. We will. I certainly have. Last weekend I went to parties on Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday pool party, and Monday 4th of July party. I drank. I flirted. I had sex with several different girls (all but 1 is married); all of whom, of course, are swingers just as we are.

And she has done the same…and more…over there. Being bisexual, she loves both girls and guys, and isn’t shy about acknowledging how much she loves a good orgasm.

How do I know? Because we talk about it. We share stories. We show each other photos if we had the time and ability to snap a few. No lying, no cheating, no deceit, no guilt.

The whole idea of swinging is “it’s just sex”. We already have a relationship, and that’s solid. But we are free to pursue our social and carnal needs, without fear of it affecting our relationship. So just as she (or I) might go to lunch with a friend (or group of friends), or might go to the beach with people, so we might have sex with them too. It’s fun. It feels good. And that’s the end of it. There’s no threat to our relationship…in fact, just the opposite, since repression, cheating and guilt are removed from the equation we are happier and better together than the majority of people.

So that cat is away. About 7,000 miles away. And I am partying and having sex. So is she. But while those things are nice and fill some time, they don’t replace her, or “us”, and I miss her so much it hurts.

Swinger Fashion (men’s): T-Shirts Fading Quietly Into the Night?

On our trips to Europe over the last year or so we’ve noticed that guys have moved away from the ubiquitous “Entourage” style t-shirt and are wearing polo shirts. This is true at parties, on the street, and at casual restaurants.

Americans are usually a year or two behind Europe in terms of trends (especially guys), so I’ve been watching for signs. And they are starting to appear. Ads in magazines, even girls magazines, have more and more guys wearing either polo’s or collared shirts (still a lot of t’s as well though). Stores catering to hipsters in LA, NY & Miami are carrying selections of polo’s. And even Affliction, the de-facto swinger t-shirt label, is offering polo’s.

I’m keeping an eye on Rolling Stone and Maxim, where most of the pic’s are guys wearing t-shirts. So we’ll see.

What’s this mean? Fashion changes, styles come in and out. We’ve gone though a long period where it has been in to be a bit shabby. It may be that the winds of fashion are blowing a little more upclass now. For my part though, I really don’t care what the guys wear, I guess it’s cool if they dress a bit more crisp…as long as the girls get to keep wearing the sexiest and skimpiest damn outfits possible when we go out to swinger parties and vanilla venues with our friends.

Where are all these swingers parties? Check the party listings on Kasidie

European vs American Swingers

Are European swingers different than America swingers? The short answer is “yes!”

Nudity vs Sexuality:

We already know that Europeans are much less repressed about nudity than Americans. There’s the German family picnicking naked by the river, including mom, grandma and all the kids. There are the 2 college co-eds sunning themselves in the nude in the middle of Madrid’s Parque del Retiro, with no passers-by pausing to gawk. There is the middle-aged mother on the beach, angry and embarrassed that her teen-aged daughter won’t take her top off and looks weird by standing out in the crowd as the only one wearing a swimsuit. There are the partiers in Bodrum, Turkey, mostly tourists from Istanbul, dancing topless and even naked in the foam at Halicarnassus. Oh, and those guys in the bar in Greece, staring non-stop at the topless girls laying on the beach…Americans, obviously.

Yeah, we know that Americans are more repressed about their bodies, and sexuality in general. But this doesn’t apply to swingers, right?

The Study:

As your humble servants, and publishers of Kasidie.com, we took it upon ourselves to find out. It was exhausting and at times sleepless research   We hooked up (yes, exactly what you’re thinking, we got nekkid and had sex) with swingers from France, Italy, Netherlands, Poland, UK, Spain, Portugal, Switzerland, Germany, Belgium, Turkey, Romania, Russian, Ukraine, Lebanon, Morocco, and Greece. We even hooked up with couples from Brazil and Argentina (while in Europe) for good measure. Ah, the things we do in the service of science and Kasidie members!

The Findings:

We found out some interesting cultural differences in the way we Americans swing vs the rest of the western world.

At a typical swinger party in America, we talk…and talk…and talk. There’s probably a lot of flirting, but not much real sexual activity until later, after quite a bit of alcohol has been consumed and the clock shows early morning. Sometimes there is no sex at all.  Even when it’s not a party, such as when 2 couples get together for dinner or drinks, even if at one of their houses, we’ll talk for hours before finally (if ever) getting around to playing.

Europeans are different. Sure they love to talk and make friends just as much as we do. But they feel strongly, and openly, that “hey, we’re here to fuck, so let’s fuck”. If you visit them at their home, they are likely to start by taking you right into the bedroom for a romp, after which you all have dinner or drinks and then either leave or go for round 2. Same thing if you meet them in a city you are staying in, they’ll usually want to meet you at your hotel instead of out at a bar or restaurant so you can fuck first, go to dinner second. It seriously confuses them if/when they arrive at your hotel and you come down to the lobby and say “okay, lets go to dinner.”

Parties in Europe are pretty much the same way. People get naked fast and start having sex right away. It’s almost like they lead with sex and work up to conversation, exactly the opposite of our style here. We’ve been to parties in Europe where the rule was “lingerie or less by 11:00pm, including the guys“, and if you didn’t want to shed your clothes you were “invited to leave”. To put this in context, keep in mind that 11:00pm to a European is like 7:00pm to an American. So imagine a party here that you arrive at 9:00pm and the rule was you had to be undressed by 9:30pm. What, no time for a lot of alcohol? No time for chatter and conversation? No time to survey the crowd? In their view, sure there’s plenty of time, it’s just that you’ll be naked to nearly-naked and might have had sex once or twice first.

Summary:

So European swingers really are different than American swingers. Sure, their body types are the same, the conversations are the same, they have as much drama as individuals and with friends as we do, they worry about their jobs and families just like we do, and they enjoy a good drink as much as anyone. But oh how they like to fuck!