Parents, You Have Humbled Us

Events like AVN absolutely humble us. Not the porn stars or extravagant events…but the couples attending the events. Specifically the couples who are parents and hold down regular jobs back at home.

Awe inspiring. Seriously. And very, very humbling.

To see people who work all day, come home to take care of kids every night, wake up early to take care of kids and then head off to work to repeat the cycle is impressively exhausting to those of us without children. To then see these people party our asses off is absolutely stunning. You’d think they’d want to find a quiet corner and curl up in a catatonic state. Instead they start drinking early, then dance and party until after dawn; partying like rock stars and fucking like porn stars. We can’t keep up, no matter how hard we try, and have raised the white flag at house parties, at resorts like Desire and Hedo, and at multi-day events like Bliss Fusion and PurrfectLV Intrigue. They just keep going, and going, and going long after we’re gone.

We are without kids. We sleep when we want, as much as we want. We have quiet mornings and easy nights. And we are blown away time and time again. You parents are freaking amazing.

Great Profile Names

What does it take to come up with a great profile name? For some people it means agonizing over word iterations and combinations, while for others it seems that unique, engaging names just flow endlessly. One of our Kasidie team members has such a gift, making us laugh with a continuous stream of engaging, sexy and fun names that other people haven’t used or thought of yet.

Here are some of my favorite profile names that Dave, our graphic designer (GraphicSex) has come up with (that aren’t taken yet);

Satisfunktion
LaVidaLacivious
InstantKarma
BestLaidPlans
CoffeeNCream
XtraLicious
GinAndToxic
JoanieLovesCrotchie
Tomescence
PlaynJane
ANicePair
JuicyFruit
EatAtRachaels

Some people are gifted with the ability to come up with amazing profile names. What are some of your favorite ideas for names that aren’t taken yet? Or even some that are? Give us your “top 10”.

Swinger Fashion (men’s): T-Shirts Fading Quietly Into the Night?

On our trips to Europe over the last year or so we’ve noticed that guys have moved away from the ubiquitous “Entourage” style t-shirt and are wearing polo shirts. This is true at parties, on the street, and at casual restaurants.

Americans are usually a year or two behind Europe in terms of trends (especially guys), so I’ve been watching for signs. And they are starting to appear. Ads in magazines, even girls magazines, have more and more guys wearing either polo’s or collared shirts (still a lot of t’s as well though). Stores catering to hipsters in LA, NY & Miami are carrying selections of polo’s. And even Affliction, the de-facto swinger t-shirt label, is offering polo’s.

I’m keeping an eye on Rolling Stone and Maxim, where most of the pic’s are guys wearing t-shirts. So we’ll see.

What’s this mean? Fashion changes, styles come in and out. We’ve gone though a long period where it has been in to be a bit shabby. It may be that the winds of fashion are blowing a little more upclass now. For my part though, I really don’t care what the guys wear, I guess it’s cool if they dress a bit more crisp…as long as the girls get to keep wearing the sexiest and skimpiest damn outfits possible when we go out to swinger parties and vanilla venues with our friends.

Where are all these swingers parties? Check the party listings on Kasidie

Male Grooming and Hygiene

Okay guys, it’s not just the girls who have to clean up when it comes to the swinging lifestyle. As swingers, it’s important to look our best. So here are some tips and guidelines for the guys!

Pre-Party Checklist:

• Shower (it doesn’t matter if you showered earlier in the day, jump in and clean up again before you head to the party)
• Shave your face (again) AND the back of your neck
• Shave your balls – just as the girls are smooth “down there”, so should you! Yes, 100% hairless, shave it all. Worried about nicks? Try a shaver from www.shavesmooth.com
• Nose & Ear hair – remove it all! That’s why they make “nose & ear trimmers”…use one
• Trim your nails – nothing is worse than a mid-play scratch from your toes or fingers
• Underarm hair – no, don’t shave it all (that’s for the girls). But if you look in a mirror, with your arms loose at your sides, and you can see hair squishing out then you need to trim it a bit. Yes, seriously
• Cologne – find a cologne that your girl finds sexy and wear it

Attitude:
There is nothing sexier or more engaging than the right attitude. We’ve all seen hot looking people who are obnoxious, and we’ve seen celebrities who aren’t 10′s yet radiate charisma and draw people to them. Regardless of your body type, be that person. How? It takes work and some effort. Here are some guidelines:

• Be positive – never engage in gossip or spread drama. Don’t be quick to offer advice to anyone, just be accepting
• Know your audience – listen first, then join in. Be part of a conversation, don’t dominate or direct it
• Be confident, not arrogant
• Reach out to people – see the couple sitting off by themselves, they are as afraid to break the ice as you are. Since everyone is reticent, someone needs to be the person to reach out and engage, so you might as well be that person
• Tread lightly with cliques – this group knows each other well and has a lot in common. They are always looking for new friends, so let them process the initial burst of talking and catching up, then later start chatting with select folks to see if you mesh with their group
• Smile
• Relax
• Be comfortable in your own skin – you are who you are, and if you’re happy with yourself that will radiate

Style:
It’s always said that dressing up is all about the girls, and when it comes to guys “does it really matter?” Well the answer is YES! Of course you don’t need all the outfits and accouterments of the girls, but there are a few guiding principles…
Jeans - most parties the guys wear jeans. However, we’re not talking pressed Wranglers or 501 Levi’s. Your jeans should be low-rise and either tapered or straight-leg. Mek is a popular brand, but if you don’t want to shell out $200 then Lucky and other brands are fine. Take your lady and try different styles on until you get the thumbs-up.
Shirt - always untucked (unless it’s a formal). Always. You’ll see a lot of guys wearing Affliction, Mondo, English Laundry and other hip brands (all of which you can find online at discount prices). Remember to up-size (from M to L, from L to XL) all of these as they are cut small.
Shoes - girls notice shoes, so buy a decent pair for parties. They don’t have to be expensive, but they do need to be stylish. So leave the Cole’s and Allen Edmunds in the closet, break out the Aldo’s or similar. You may feel self conscious at first, wearing something so far out of your normal comfort zone, but that’ll quickly go away when you see the reaction you get. Trust me.
Belt - with your shirt untucked it doesn’t really matter. If you do wear a belt, make sure it’s in style and not something a sale rep at Brooks Brothers sold you.
Jewelry - this is highly personal and depends upon your personality. Some guys can pull off ear-rings and gold chains. However no guy can pull off inexpensive watches or rings…ever. So if you only have a Timex, that’s absolutely fine, just don’t wear it to the party.

Okay, you’re looking good! You’re ready to join the other swingers and have a great time!

“Swingers”, a Difficult Label – “we’re not swingers, we just fuck our friends!”

I wish there was another term we could use besides “swingers”. Many people who really aren’t vanilla simply don’t want to associate themselves with the word. For them, like so many in society, it conjures up 70′s key parties and indiscriminate sex.

As much as we’ve tried, as much as every club owner and seasoned swinger we know has tried, we just can’t find another word to replace it. Many of us use the term “Lifestyle”, but so do poly’s, naturists, people in the BDSM community and many others. None of them use “swingers” however, and just as Las Vegas is our city, so that is our word. If you can suggest an alternative please let me know and we’ll publish it like crazy on Kasidie.com!

So how do these non-vanilla’s refer to themselves? They don’t. It’s pretty cool in a way, they enjoy spending intimate time with friends and neighbors, often spicing up adult fun at dinner parties, in their Jacuzzi’s, and on trips together…and never stop to think about it. Worry free, guilt free, and just living life out loud.

We’ve met many of these couples at business functions and at vanilla events. You can tell by the way they dress, the way they flirt, and their eye contact that there is something more fun to them then the rest of the crowd. When we out ourselves to them they are quick to discuss sexuality, but insist that while they like to fuck their friends they are “not” swingers. And they are always surprised to find out that we are, seeing as we don’t match their preconceived image of the label. lol.

I think every such couple we’ve met has since gotten an account on Kasidie and is now happier than ever, making friends and going to parties.

Now if we could just come up with a different label…

Relax and Shut the Fuck Up, or better yet, Shut Up and Fuck

A very common party foul for newbie’s is talking during play. We see it all the time at Kasidie swingers parties. For many couples it’s been a long road from associating with swingers to actually playing (and thus becoming swingers). Often this is due to one of them being a bit insecure; which makes both partners more than a little nervous about crossing the line to play.

Given enough time, people eventually relax, a connection is made and play happens. The problem here is that the insecure person (who is often also a bit controlling) starts to talk. And talk. And talk. Perhaps trying to direct the action, telling people what their partner likes or doesn’t like, or perhaps offering forth a continuous stream of suggestions and/or sound effects. Either way there is only one word for it – buzz kill.

It’s understandable, and also avoidable.

Here’s what happens. The person who’s talking (or making sound effects) is bugging everyone and chilling the action, but they don’t see it because they are at first so incredibly nervous, and then increasingly so incredibly turned on (watching your significant other being played with for the first time is always a huge, erotic turn on), that they start talking more instead of relaxing and either enjoying the show or focusing on their own play. This is very, very common, so don’t sweat it if you’ve been guilty of this. However, now that you are aware of it…stop.

We can’t tell you how many times one of us has been playing with someone and their significant other says “oh no, she/he doesn’t like it when you do that!”…”huh?, Oh my god, that’s so hot, she/he really DOES like it!”. Or how many times their significant other has been right on the verge of an incredible orgasm when their mate reaches over and starts talking to them, asking if they’re okay, petting them and thus kills the whole mood.

So the next time you’re in a hot play situation, shut the fuck up. Or, better yet, shut up and fuck. Focus on yourself, let your mate focus on themselves. Let them say “no” if they don’t like something, and let them say “more” or “do this” if they want something different. Let their pleasure come in new ways, from new people, without you assisting. And you do the same. It’s just sex, so relax and have a good time. There will be plenty of opportunities later to talk about what you liked/didn’t like and what to do differently or try the next time.

For more info, check out the Kasidie swinger FAQ’s on Kasidie.com