Cat’s Away…But Missed No Matter How Much Play

She’s been in Europe for almost 2 weeks now, part of her 6 week visit with family. Most guys (well, every guy I’ve ever known) would use this as an opportunity to go crazy and cheat. Most girls would too (might as well have an affair while abroad, almost doesn’t seem like it counts).

But we in the swinging lifestyle are an exception.

Not because we won’t go a bit crazy and party. We will. I certainly have. Last weekend I went to parties on Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday pool party, and Monday 4th of July party. I drank. I flirted. I had sex with several different girls (all but 1 is married); all of whom, of course, are swingers just as we are.

And she has done the same…and more…over there. Being bisexual, she loves both girls and guys, and isn’t shy about acknowledging how much she loves a good orgasm.

How do I know? Because we talk about it. We share stories. We show each other photos if we had the time and ability to snap a few. No lying, no cheating, no deceit, no guilt.

The whole idea of swinging is “it’s just sex”. We already have a relationship, and that’s solid. But we are free to pursue our social and carnal needs, without fear of it affecting our relationship. So just as she (or I) might go to lunch with a friend (or group of friends), or might go to the beach with people, so we might have sex with them too. It’s fun. It feels good. And that’s the end of it. There’s no threat to our relationship…in fact, just the opposite, since repression, cheating and guilt are removed from the equation we are happier and better together than the majority of people.

So that cat is away. About 7,000 miles away. And I am partying and having sex. So is she. But while those things are nice and fill some time, they don’t replace her, or “us”, and I miss her so much it hurts.

Thoughts on “Playing Separately”

As we all know, finding a 4-way swingers connection is like hitting a jackpot in Las Vegas; it happens, and it’s fantastic when it does, but it’s extremely rare. So this leaves you with 3 choices:

1. Don’t play, except when you find that elusive 4-way connection
2. Someone is going to have to “take one for the team”
3. Play separately

As for us, we like sex too much to roll with option #1.

Option #2 is something we have done, and will undoubtably do again, but prefer not to. Whenever one of us has sexual chemistry with someone, but there isn’t the same chemistry with the other half of the couples (which is chemical, not just physical, so it’s not personal), and the only way that other couple will play is if they “play together” well then that means each half of the couple might go ahead agree to play just so their seriously turned-on mates can explore/fulfill their sexual needs/desires that are the reason we all became swingers in the first place (each “taking one for the team”).

#3 has become our favorite. Neither of us likes taking one for the team (who does?), and we don’t want to wait for some magical multi-partner connection once in a blue moon. So we’re each free to pursue our sexuality and people we’re turned on by, without requiring, forcing, or being restricted by the other person. So if one of us wants to play, then we’re free to go for it without drama. There are some rules we’ve negotiated and agreed to; such as “no single guys/girls where there’s any risk they’ll want to call/text/email later”, “safe sex” and “spill the details after playing so the other person can get turned on too”.

It’s been an evolutionary process for us to get to this point. And taken a LOT of communication (and trust, duh). It’s also taken some miscues and misunderstandings, as well as some missed opportunities. But we’ve grown through it and are happier than ever.

Costs: {real story} Say you are turned on, big time, by someone. You are so horny it literally hurts (applies to both the girl and the guy). Your sig other either isn’t turned on by the other half of the couple, or just plain ol’ doesn’t feel like playing tonight and tells you “no, I’m not feeling it and I’m not okay with us playing separately”. You go along with that, of course. You go home frustrated with blue balls/labia. Horny. Confused. Angry. Resentful. You don’t mean to feel those things, and perhaps you have some guilt about it, but those feelings are there regardless. It means you’re human.

And it also hurts your relationship as now you are just a bit less inclined to communicate openly, a bit more inclined to toss a monkey wrench into the next outing, and a lot less open to going to future parties because you stand a similar chance of being emotionally, physically, sexually let down again.

Benefits: Now lets say your partner (and the other persons partner) says “I’m not feeling it, but it’s okay with me baby, go for it and have fun”. They go off and play, then come back to you happier (and healthier) than ever! And they respect and love you all the more for the trust, the acceptance, and the freedom you gave them.

Every couple has to do what works best for them. Just remember that often the thing that works best for you as a couple is that which works best for each individual in the couple. Restraining and distrusting your mate in the lifestyle is likely to have the exact same consequences that those actions do in the vanilla world.

So, are you ready to get out there and meet some other swingers? Kasidie.com is by far the best swinging social network in the world.