The Minnesota Daily News published a fairly well written article (about as well as a judgemental vanilla can write an “impartial” article) entitled “Swinging Ones Vows to the Limit” by Paige Vigil. It describes her discussion with a girlfriend who’s a swinger, and her follow-up conversations with Club H in Minneapolis.
It’s not bad, and she does a pretty good job of not being critical and simply writing what the lifestyle and the club are about. However she did make a couple of vanilla statements which I simply had to reply to. Here’s my response to her…
Hi Paige,
I read your article and found it pretty well reasoned. In places where you personally disagree with something, you state that rather than disguise it, which is truly a breath of fresh air in todays journalism. I do have a couple of points I’d like to make, to help clarify what swingers think.
Regarding “paying for the club is in fact paying for sex”…the truth is that the majority of people on any given night don’t have sex at a party. Sometimes, oddly enough, there is absolutely no sex at a swingers party (not often, but does happen). The reason is simple, and a strong misconception in the non-swinging public: swinging isn’t about indiscriminate sex…just as when you were single and only had sex with people if there was a strong connection, it’s the same with swinging. And finding a connection is not all that easy. The simple fact “newbies” quickly learn is that they “come for the sex but stay for the friendships”.
And regarding “faithfulness”, that term is extremely subjective. In some parts of the world if a woman walks outside without a male member of the family, she has been unfaithful and is subject to corporal discipline. Heck, in some areas if a woman is raped she is considered unfaithful and may be put to death. It’s not that every “community” has the right to decide how “faithful” is defined, it’s every persons/couples right to make that decision for themselves. As swingers, we generally value emotional faithfulness. Physical pleasure is pretty much detached from the term. But even regardless of that, we simply don’t judge how people define “faithfulness” in their own personal lives. So just because I wouldn’t want to live like, say, a Hasidic Jew (only have sex with clothes on and a sheet between the man and woman), or like a Mormon (allowing my wife to be “sealed” in a temple gang-bang) doesn’t mean I judge or frankly care that other people choose to live their life as such.
Anyhow, thanks again for the even-keeled article, much appreciated!
Scott Purcell
President, Kasidie.com
Board Member, National Coalition for Sexual Freedom
